Star Wars: Kriplar and Riordan- Fighting Battles to Lose the War
by Gabriel Tassoni
Summary: Meet Kriplar and Riordan in their latest adventure with long time friend Sniggler the Rodian for trouble abound


Kriplar and Riordan: Fighting Battles to Lose the War.

14BBY:

Kriplar and Riordan tinkered at the engine of the lancer class pursuit craft in a Garel spaceport.

"I SAID HYDRO-SPANNER IDIOT!" chastised Riordan.

"I'm sorry you grumpy Phindian. I am not a mechanic." Defended Kriplar

"Yeah, that explains a lot." Passed Riordan.

Kriplar was about to make another snide comment when Beeper rolled out.

'WHEEP WHOOP WHERP!'

Riordan turned around to Beeper. "Sniggler. Haven't heard from him for months."

"I thought he got himself killed." Remarked Kriplar.

"No one gives a Womp rats what you think Kriplar."

The trio entered the ship and spoke to Sniggler's hologram.

"Sniggler. It has been a while." Noted Riordan.

"I know guys. I had a proposition for you both plus Beeper."

"What type of proposition?" asked Riordan suspiciously?

"Come to Minnorveen. I have a job lined up; I need two other people to pull it. You people are the perfect fit."

"Sounds great. We will be there." Interjected Kriplar.

Riordan shoved Kriplar out of the way.

"Before we do anything of the sort, what is in it for us Sniggler?"

Sniggler looked nervous.

"Military hardware. Very expensive. Highly sought after. Easy to get off your hands in a hurry."

Riordan contemplated Sniggler's offer.

"Garel to Minnorveen; that is an eight and a half hour trip. We will be there in nine hours or there about."

The transmission cut out. Riordan turned to Kriplar.

"I smell credits galore." Snickered Kriplar.

"I sense danger abound." Retorted Riordan. "But we could do with some extra credits."

The duo prepped the ship for lift-off.

"Kriplar, did you purge the cooling system? Last thing we need is for the engines to overheat on a long trip like this."

"Yeah, of course I did."

Beeper went to protest. Kriplar covered his audio projector before Riordan heard.

Riordan sat in the pilot's seat. Kriplar returned to his hammock and fell asleep. Beeper managed the ship whilst Riordan eventually took a break.

Riordan sat in his hammock and surfed both the imperial and underworld bounty databases. He flicked through the bounties available on Minnorveen.

Bail jumper: 50,000 credits.

Destruction of imperial property: 3,000

Unpaid loan: 75,000

Assault of imperial officer: 1,500

"This is unusual. Why are the underworld bounties on Minnorveen so expensive but the imperial ones are so low." Wondered Kriplar.

Both hunters rested for a couple hours. Half an hour before reaching their destination, Beeper woke them up. Riordan returned to the cockpit and prepped the ship for re-entry. Before they jumped from hyperspace, something came up on the scanners.

'BRUP. BRUP. WERP!'

"What do you mean massive energy signatures in realspace?"

Kriplar peeped over. "I thought Minnorveen has a massive mining industry. There is your answer Riordan?"

"No, Idiot. You are thinking of Zae Beta."

The ship emerged from hyperspace. There was no space mining. Instead, there was a space battle between the Minnorveen militia and the Imperial Navy.

"Mother of Moof Milkers!" swore Riordan.

The Phindian spun the ship out of the way of an approaching TIE fighter. After two minutes of evading turbolasers and TIEs, Riordan turned the ship around.

"Get us into hyperspace." Panicked Kriplar.

Riordan flew towards the hyperlane jump point when another star destroyer appeared.

"Not that way." said Kriplar. "I guess we need to land on Minnorveen."

"Don't tempt me to hit you as well Hashig. I will belt Sniggler when I find him."

Riordan swerved through the chaos. They entered atmosphere hot.

'WERP WHOOP!'

"I know the shields are strained. We just need to land." Reasoned Riordan.

The Lancer-class skidded along an empty street. The landing struts screeched as the ship carved through the street. The trio exited the ship dizzily.

"Never again Riggs." Said Kriplar.

Before Riordan could retort, gunshots sounded in the distance. The duo turned to see a skirmish between imperial army troops and Minnorveen Militia. The imperial troops shot down the five Militia personnel before advancing forward.

"Sniggler's probably dead by now. Moreover, this war zone reeks. Time to go." Said Kriplar uninterestingly.

"I second that." said Riordan.

'WERP. WERP.'

"Fair point Beeper. We need disguises. Imperial army will not work. But the Minnorveen Militia enlists thousands of species."

The duo looked around for Militia uniforms. The trio agreed to meet at the ship once they found a uniform.

Riordan walked through the streets. He had his sniper rifle on hand. Two soldiers appeared around a corner.

"What are you doing here?" asked the first soldier.

"Citizens have been ordered to hide at the keep or a designated bunker. It is a war zone out here." Added the second trooper.

Riordan had a second to answer.

"I am a mercenary, fighting for the Minnorveen Militia."

The soldier's did not buy it.

"The Militia does not hire mercenaries. What are you really doing here?"

Riordan had no choice. He punched the first soldier and shot the second soldier with his rifle.

"I hate local militias. I mean that is why I accepted that contract from the Black Sun to tear that compound to shreds that time." He said to himself as he took parts of the uniform from the soldier he knocked out before moving on.

Kriplar crawled along the side of a building to remain out of sight. He saw the bodies of the soldier from the encounter they witnessed before. Kriplar pounced down and scurried over. He checked his surroundings for Imperial troopers. One of the soldiers received a headshot, leaving his military jumpsuit unscathed.

"I can't say I feel terrible about this."

The duo met back up at the ship with Beeper. Riordan stole a Militia conquistador's helmet, which fit over his thin visor hold. He also acquired a Militia bandolier. Kriplar stole a red and blue jumpsuit to replace his black one. Kriplar also stole a black, militia tricorne, adorned with a five red stripes along the two forward sides.

"Didn't want to blend in a bit more?" snarled Kriplar.

"Says you Kriplar. Who in their right mind steals a tricorne?"

Beeper rolled over.

'WHOP. WHOP.'

"A distress signal from Sniggler. We had better go save him. He is in possession of that expensive tech!" exclaimed Kriplar.

Riordan turned to the Kalleran.

"I have a feeling there is no military hardware up for grabs." Said Riordan. "Beeper. Stay with the ship."

The duo found an A-A4B land speeder. Kriplar boosted it and the duo were off through the ominous streets. The sound of laser fire in the sky and explosions on the ground made the experience that bit more daunting. The duo approached the origin of the distress signal. The duo disembarked their land speeder to find a wrecked Minnorveen heavy Starfighter and a skirmish.

PEW. PEW. PEW! Sniggler exchanged fire with four stormtroopers and an army trooper. Sniggler wore a militia flight suit and pants with an Akubra. Very different from his usual jumpsuit and trench coat. The troopers advanced towards the wrecked fighter.

PEW. PEW. PEW. PEW. PEW! The five troopers dropped dead. Sniggler turned around to see Kriplar and Riordan in their disguises.

"Kriplar, Riordan. How are we?"

Kriplar went up to Sniggler and punched him in the face.

"WHERE IS MY LOOT?"

Riordan punched Kriplar.

"WHERE IS OUR LOOT?"

Sniggler wiped his face. He stepped back nervously.

"I-I don't have it on me. We need to steal the hardware." Defended Sniggler. "However, I do have a case of high power missiles and launchers."

Kriplar and Riordan looked at each other sneakily.

"Say, Sniggler. Before we go and raid a camp. How about we fire off a few missiles through the city?"

The trio grinned.

The three brigands travelled through the abandoned streets. The fighting currently contained to the downtown district. However, it was slowly advancing through the city, especially because the Empire recently deployed armoured cavalry to speed up the campaign.

Sniggler drove whilst Kriplar and Riordan fired off missiles atop the speeder.

"WOO, HOO. This is awesome." Screamed Kriplar as he fired off another shot.

"Try hitting another building." Suggested Riordan wildly.

Kriplar fired a cluster missile. The missile rocketed into the lobby of a skyscraper. The building collapsed on itself as the trio speed from underneath. The crash of the building made a large sound and became visible from kilometres away.

"I feel like we should not have done that." Laughed Sniggler.

Two troop carrier speeders blocked the trio's way. An officer stood out front.

"Colonel Barton, It is a pleasure to meet you. Command thought you dead."

Kriplar had a split second to respond. He realised his tricorne was an officer's hat. Riordan and Sniggler covered their laughter.

"Ah, yes. It is a pleasure to meet you too. I am Colonel Barton as you know."

The officer ushered Kriplar through the camp. He briefed him on the situation.

"Just after that building collapsed, the Empire offered a ceasefire and opportunity for negotiation."

"Uh, huh."

"We could end the war immediately."

"Uh, huh."

"We have your shuttle ready. You are expected at the imperial staging ground to negotiate surrender."

"WHA- I mean, of course." Said Kriplar surprisingly.

Kriplar and the officer entered a shuttle and flew off towards the imperial war camp. Riordan and Sniggler elected to raid the militia camp for a while.

The shuttle arrived at the imperial camp. Kriplar disembarked to the sight of imperial army and stormtroopers moving supplies and cleaning weapons. Rather than use tents like most imperial campaigns, mobile units were placed down. The officer waited by the shuttle whilst an imperial officer and two stormtroopers led Kriplar to one of the mobile units. This one was the communications and commanding officer's office.

Kriplar entered the durasteel room. An officer wearing a white tunic and black hat stood with a datapad behind his desk at the back of the room.

"The colonel for you, Sir."

The officer turned around. His rank plaque consisted of two red squares. He gave the datapad to a lieutenant who walked off.

"Colonel Barton. Please sit down. We must commence talks immediately.

Kriplar needed to say something. He deepened his voice.

"You must be the major?"

The officer narrowed his eyes slightly before giving off a slight smile.

"Major Seacrest is needed elsewhere. My name is Lieutenant-Commander Nocturne Hurst. I am the Imperial Security Bureau attaché for Grand Moff Tarkin and intelligence coordinator on this mission. I have full authority to lead negotiations."

Kriplar coughed to put on his deep voice. "Oh, well then let's begin negotiations."

Hurst pushed a datapad across the desk.

Kriplar read the writ.

"There is mention of what will happen to the human soldiers, but nothing about the non-human soldiers. The non-human soldiers will make fine stormtroopers and army troopers as well."

Hurst raised his hands to his chin.

"You must understand Colonel; the empire maintains its policies to prevent another separatist crisis. The non-human soldiers can be transferred into mining guild service." Said Hurst.

Kriplar had no idea of what to say next.

"Great, Lieutenant-Commander. We can begin strip mining Minnorveen within the week."

Hurst looked at Kriplar suspiciously. Kriplar asked what was wrong.

"When I spoke with Grand Moff Tarkin and General Hevvedite about the meeting, they both said to expect you to refuse a large scale mining operation. Why the change of heart?"

Kriplar gulped. "Because the Empire is our home. Long live the Emperor."

Lieutenant-Commander Hurst glared.

"I handled the ISB profile on Minnorveen. We know all about Minnorveenian culture and social values. Minnorveen maintains all aspects of its sovereignty apart from that of economic trade. Your people would never allow another culture to intervene in your affairs."

The Kalleran stalled by shifting his hat and tugging at his jumpsuit. Lieutenant Commander Hurst stared at Kriplar sternly.

"So what city on Ryloth did you come from?"

"I came from Lessu."

"Oh really."

"Do you doubt my home world?"

"Precisely."

Kriplar coughed. Hurst slammed his fist on the desk.

"Don't lie to me! You are not Colonel Barton."

Hurst signalled the two Navy troopers in the room.

"Scan him."

Kriplar needed to think of something.

"How dare you distrust me, I shall report you to your superior officer!" said Kriplar as he tried to resist the navy troopers scan.

"You are not even a Twi'lek. You are a Kalleran. Either way, Colonel Barton was born on Minnorveen."

The troopers handed the scan results to Hurst. He looked at the file.

"It says your name is Kriplar Hashig." Read Lieutenant-Commander Hurst. "You appear to have Bounty Hunters Guild membership."

Kriplar chuckled nervously.

"He. He. He. I can explain everything."

"Two imperial bounties collected. Most of work for the Black Sun and Crymorrah syndicates. Recently concluded security retainer for Mercenary League leader Rick Dalkers. Five counts of destruction of imperial property, three counts of urinating in a public place, ten counts of homicide, twenty counts of assault." Read Hurst aloud. "Only evaded sentencing due to Hunters Guild membership and work with criminal syndicates on behalf of the empire.

Hurst looked at Kriplar condemningly.

"I am adding impersonation of military personnel and infiltration of an imperial facility or encampment to your record. Both are class five offences. That is an automatic death sentence. TAKE HIM TO THE FIRING WALL!"

The two navy troopers attempted to drag him out of the room. Kriplar swung one to the side and clobbered one on the head. The first trooper regained his senses and attempted to shoot him. Kriplar cartwheeled over, grabbed him and threw him into Hurst.

Kriplar darted out of the mobile centre and through the imperial camp. Troopers and officers looked in surprise. Lieutenant Commander Hurst stormed out of his mobile command centre.

"How dare you just stand there? KILL THE KALLERAN!"

Storm and army troopers ran after Kriplar and fired at him. Kriplar evaded blaster fire with a series of flips, summersaults and cartwheels. Kriplar reached the end of trench he shifted into. He went to climb out when Jump troopers flew over.

VROOOOOOMMMMM! Sniggler and Riordan flew into the trench in their truck speeder from before. Kriplar ducked as the speeder mowed through five troopers. The forward cargo hatch was filled with tech.

"Hop in!" shouted Sniggler.

The speeder hovered out of the trench pit and sped along the small plains between the camp and the city. Three speeders gave chase but turned away quickly.

At the camp:

"So you are saying the Minnorveen Militia did not treat the negotiations sincerely?" Asked Tarkin.

"Exactly."

"This warrants an orbital bombardment of their city because?"

"Because the Minnorveen people have not yet learnt their lesson. They must learn what happens when they disrespect the Empire." Stated Hurst furiously.

Tarkin agreed and the transmission cut out. The trio sped through the streets. All imperial forces appeared to be retreating. The militia soldiers cheered as the imperials fled. AT-Haulers flew in and retrieved the armoured walkers.

"What do you reckon they are doing?" asked Riordan.

"Most likely regrouping before a counter attack." Said Sniggler. "The imps did this every time they pushed for an important objective."

Kriplar looked up into the sky.

"Hey, look at all those green lights in the sky."

Riordan and Sniggler looked at each other in shock. Green bolts rocketed down through the clouds.

"ORBITAL BOMBARDMENT!"

Sniggler swerved the truck speeder as laser bolts rained before them. The city around them fell further into chaos and destruction. Skyscrapers toppled and buildings collapsed. The screams of Militia troops were silenced by the sound of explosions.

The truck speeder evaded falling buildings and more laser fire. They needed to reach Riordan's ship before it was destroyed.

"Beeper. Come in."

WHOOP. WHOOP!

"Yes I know about the orbital bombardment. Is my ship intact?"

'WHERP. BEEP. BOOP.'

"That's great Beeper, I'm glad. Can you just make sure my ship isn't reduced to scrap, you along with it." He said urgently.

A turbolaser bolt hit the front of the speeder. The wrecked speeder flipped in the air. The trio tumbled out of rear. Their stolen goods were destroyed.

"POODOO!" swore Kriplar. "That tech would have made us thousands!"

Sniggler grabbed Kriplar and the trio began running.

"I think the valuable thing we leave with is our lives." Remarked Sniggler.

"That doesn't even cover expenses!" snarled Riordan.

The trio ran through the streets in the hope they would not be struck by turbolaser fire.

A ship hovered overhead and extended its entry ramp.

The trio jumped up and entered. Riordan rushed into the cockpit and took control. The ship soared through the air, avoiding any laser fire. Riordan moved the ship into orbit; the imperial fleet decimated the Minnorveen fleet.

"Beeper. Prep the ship for hyperdrive."

'BURP BEEP BOOP!'

"What do you mean the cooling system went into reset?"

Riordan realised what actually happened.

"Kriplar! You didn't fix the cooling system did you?"

The ship was caught in a tractor beam. Sniggler and Riordan turned to the guilty Kalleran.

Sniggler sighed. "I just want you to know Kriplar, whatever happens next is completely your fault!"


End file.
